Sunday, February 24, 2008

Feeling like a Failure

As I mentioned before, Tai suggested that we buy our invitations rather than have me make them. I resisted. I cried. I had already invested a good amount of time into designing our invites. But I was so stressed out about the details, I was becoming very bitchy. I would have mock-ups every night for Tai to look out. Different colored ribbons. Different fonts. I couldn't make a decision. I would tweak those invitations everyday. And I wasn't having any fun with them at all.
Tai stepped in and assured me that we could still have a great wedding despite not making the invitations. I really resisted him on that. We argued it about most of last week. He really wanted less stressed out Linda back. He didn't want to look at invitations anymore. Then I remembered something I told Janet when we started this process: I don't care about the invitations. No one really looks at them anyway.
In remembering how I felt about the invitations before I became stressed out bride helped me make my decision. Despite what I think, no one (no one) is going to open the invitation and caress it lovingly. No one is going to ooh and aah over it even if we'd sprung for letterpress. So I bought our invitations, response cards, and insert cards from WeddingPaperDivas. I went to sleep, pleased with knowledge that the invitations were crossed off our to do list.
I woke up feeling slightly guilty. Perhaps I took the easy way out. But I brushed it aside and tried to continue with my day. Then I saw Miss Peony's invitations. When I read that she hand ironed on all the Swarovski crystals on the invitations, I felt so bad. She obviously cares about her invitations. She put the time and energy that her guests will notice. Her wedding will be better than mine. (Note: this is a pity party. I don't really believe that, k.)
Feeling a little more guilty I tried to move on. I looked to the knot to assuage my guilt. I was reading a bio where the bride stressed making everything yourself. She believed that your guests would notice those little touches that you took the time to make. I felt even worse.
Then DIY bride had a poll. In her informal poll, 81% felt some pressure to DIY parts of their wedding. I count myself as part of that number.
When you don't have a ton of money to spend on your guests you want to find things that show your guests that you care. You want your guests to know you spent sometime thinking about them. But honestly I don't think that my guests want to know I stressed out myself to make something that they will ultimately throw away. (Please recycle the invitations, k.)
What I'm taking away from this whole experience is that we (Tai and I) need to take stock of what we feel is important. People notice food and drink. If there is not enough food or not enough to drink, people will notice. If I don't hand iron on the crystals onto the invites no one will notice. I hope you all work to make the day memorable for you and your guests-within your own limits.
PS I really love Miss Peony's invites and I'm totally jealous that I couldn't make the same thing. Anyone who takes that kind of time to do that totally rocks. I can't wait to see pictures from Miss Peony's wedding cause it will be beautiful.


  1. I'm glad you came to your senses! You're right about how most of our guests won't be framing our invitations as a work the work of art that we see them as.

    Best is to figure out what's most important to you and Tai and focus your energy in those areas.

    And ... where were these invite demos on display for us to vote on??!! ;o) I'm counting on you girls to help me decide when I get stuck on the details.

    On to the next project!! ((Hugs!))

  2. Linda,

    First of all, thanks for commenting on my silly blog! :)

    I had to comment on this entry because it hits close to home for me... I was DETERMINED to make my wedding dress, but ended up buying one. Before I even got out of the store, I had an incredible amount of guilt -- even though I adore the dress.

    Over time, though, I've come to realize that having a big thing like the dress (or invitations, in your case) crossed off is pretty much priceless.

    I know it's hard for me to realize, but I keep telling myself that no one will be nitpicking over my wedding the way that I am. As much as I want to, I don't have to have the Most Amazing DIY Crafty Wedding of All Time.

    ...just plain Amazing is cool with me. :)

    (And on that note... I <3 Weddingbee, I really do, but it is a little frustrating for me to read sometimes! These ladies have resources that I can only dream of, so... I just kind of look at it as loose inspiration. :) )

    Best of luck!!

  3. You know if I had to do it all over again, I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT MINE! Seriously, the amount of money, time and effort I spent on them was just sooo not worth it in the end. This whole guilty feeling will soon pass and you'll look back and feel happy you went this route. Just think, now you can start working on other DIY projects like favors or programs. ;)

  4. Linda, I totally agree with what these other ladies already said. Your sanity is more important than anything else! I love so much of what you're doing, and I think your guests will appreciate all the little things you're doing to make your wedding special.

    (And yes, I <3 Weddingbee as well, but sometimes I just have to go "are you freaking *kidding* me?" ;) )

  5. i am sure that your invitations will be lovely... and that those you invite will be thrilled to receive them. and wedding paper divas has wonderful stuff- you made an excellent decision!

    but wow- we have a similar story to tell on those crazy DIY invitations... i seriously just want them to be over with! and can commiserate with the seemingly never ending revisions to show the fiance... i can completely relate!

    do not feel guilty... they will be lovely and so will you bc you won't be stressing about them

  6. ahhh yesss......i can imagine feeling this same exact way about (insert non essential wedding deet here).

    in the thick of planning, i find myself spending too much time thinking about details that i formerly didnt care about.

    and seeing everyone's else's cool diy skills (WB MissPenguin is da bomb!) does not help the noncrafty feel good about themselves.

    btw: i just noticed that people were commenting on my wedding blog. just wanted to shout out and say "thnx for stopping by". i am not one of those snobbish people that doesnt acknowledge comments. i really had no idea i even had them.


Shiny! I love comments.