Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Nervous Nelly

Ever since I was a little kid I was a nervous person. I clearly remember freaking out in 1st grade and insisting on going home. That happened several times til I just stopped one day. In fact being nervous has kind of weaved its way throughout my life. I can remember times that being nervous has stopped me from being with friends, trying new things, going to Disneyland (just for one day, I was able to go the next). My nervousness comes and goes. Sometimes I can't seem to get out from under it and sometimes I'm just not nervous.
I handled the nervousness by ignoring it for years. My dad thought I should see someone for it when I was a kid but my mom thought I would grow out of it. When I got older it was just something that I couldn't help like blushing. I figured that I was just this way and there was no point in trying to change it.
After I met Tai, right before we got engaged, I started having horrible panic attacks, worse than before. I wasn't sure what to do. I had trouble going to work, seeing friends, leaving the house in general. I knew I didn't want to be a shut in, so I had to figure something out. I went to therapy, found a good counselor, and started taking meds. I still get nervous. I had two little panic attacks on our wedding day. I thought it was going to be worse so I prepared a list of things that might go wrong for Marta. Thankfully she never needed it.
So why am I telling you all this? Part of it is this is who I am. This blog is about me and my life so I don't want to hide behind partial anonymity. Also I'm hoping that this will help others. I know there are other people who feel similarly and don't seek help, thinking that this how they are supposed live their life.
I have an anxiety disorder and I'm on the road to making it better. I do not want to take the meds for my whole life but they made sense for me to take now. In a few months I'm going to work on getting off them. But until then I'm less afraid to try things. Fewer things make me nervous. And when I get nervous I just deal with it.
I'm a little nervous posting this. So please be nice. I'm happy to answer any questions.


  1. Good for you for posting this. I too am a nervous person. I always have told myself when it messes with my life, thats when I go to the doctor...which is what you did! How aweome you are seeing some relief. Kudos to you and thanks for sharing!

  2. No judgment here. I'm married to someone with a crippling case of social anxiety who has to take meds for it. So I know what it's like to live with it on a daily basis.

    As for me, I had a weird delayed reaction to moving, and as soon as we got to NC, I started having panic attacks. Not sure why my body waited until after it was all over before it freaked out? Anyway, I got on meds (klonopin) for about a month, and as soon as I noticed that I didn't have nervous butterflies all the time about being in our new house, I weaned myself off of it. It seems to have done the trick, thankfully.

    I think brain chemistry is something we're born with, and for whatever reason, our bodies don't always work to our best advantage. Which is why I'm grateful we live in the times we do, when we have access to medications we need to help us through the rough parts.

  3. Hey Linda, great post!!!!

    My mom suffered with panic attacks and we at first were so naive towards the fact that all of a sudden she didnt want to see anyone, some days she would've just sleep the whole day, until the day she ended up in the emergency room! So its very nice of you posting this so anyone who needs go look for some help!!!

    Keep it up!

  4. I'm dealing with my anxiety right now. It's out of control big time. I must make an appointment because I'm at the point of needing medication. I wake up with anxiety...have it all day, couldn't really tell you why but it's there. The worse thing is that it's really causing problems with my relationships with my husband and son. I stress about everything, double check stuff way too much, feel the need to make sure that everyone and everything is okay You name it, I stress over it. Thanks for the honesty!


Shiny! I love comments.